Overview
Intimate partner violence is when one person in a romantic or sexual relationship uses a variety of tactics, to gain and maintain power and control over another person in that relationship. Tactics may include physical, emotional, sexual, financial, or other types of harm.
Queer and trans activists and advocates introduced terms like intimate partner violence and relationship abuse. These advocates felt that domestic violence was often only used to refer to heterosexual, co-habitating, monogamous couples and excluded queer and trans relationships. Because domestic violence can also include family or household violence, intimate partner violence or relationship abuse can more concretely point to the relational aspect of the violence.
Legal definitions of domestic violence vary by jurisdiction and are usually limited in scope. These definitions often do not encompass the range of violence that can happen within a romantic or sexual relationship. In some jurisdictions, the legal definition of domestic violence includes family relationships, not just intimate relationships. Legal definitions of domestic violence may also be more limited in what types of actions are considered to be domestic violence. For example, emotional abuse is not always legally considered domestic violence. Legal definitions may not be trans-inclusive and often rely on a specific relationship structure. For more information on specific statutes in each state see WomensLaw.
Further discussion also happens within communities about whether the term violence or abuse is more appropriate. Abuse can help to describe the specific aspects of power and control that is present in abusive relationships. Violence is often conflated only with physical violence, and not all abusive relationships include physical violence.
Each survivor will have their own history with these terms – which ones are familiar to them and which aren’t, and whether any of the words feel right to describe their situation. A survivor does not have to label their experience in any particular way in order to have access to help and support services. Some survivors will find that having a name for their experience can be empowering and healing. Others will not feel that to be true.
In this section, the terms intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic violence, partner abuse, and relationship violence will be used mostly interchangeably. It will be noted if a specific term is most appropriate for a specific situation.
Trans Specific Dynamics
The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence describes domestic violence as “a pattern of abusive behaviors–including physical, sexual, and psychological attacks as well as economic coercion–used by one intimate partner against another (adult or adolescent) to gain, maintain, or regain power and control in the relationship. Batterers use of a range of tactics to frighten, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, often injure, and sometimes kill a current or former intimate partner.”[i]
Intimate partner violence (IPV) is when a person tries to gain power and control over a partner through a variety of tactics. The abusive partner may use violence or the threat of violence in addition to emotional and financial abuse, neglect, isolation, and other strategies. In addition to tactics that can be used against any person (cisgender or transgender), there are some tactics that uniquely target a person’s trans identity and body.
Common tactics of abuse include:
- Physical violence
- Threats
- Isolation
- Emotional abuse
- Financial abuse
- Sexual violence
- Using others to gain power (children, authorities, community members)
- Gaslighting
Some tactics are overt – or easily identifiable to outsiders as abusive – such as physical violence or threats. Other tactics may be more subtle, such as coercion, gaslighting, isolation, and emotional abuse. These tactics may be hard for the survivor to describe because they are part of a pattern of behavior. Each incident on its own may seem to outsiders to be small or easily explainable, yet they have a profound effect on the survivor.
Risk of homicide
In many abusive relationships, the abusive partner will escalate the abuse if they believe the survivor is gaining independence or trying to leave the relationship. The end of a relationship and the time period directly after can be very dangerous. Survivors are at the highest risk of homicide when they are leaving the relationship or starting a new relationship.
Most research on intimate partner violence is on relationships between cisgender men and women when the man is the abuser. While some of this research is applicable to IPV committed against transgender individuals, it is unknown what is and is not applicable.
People who work with survivors of intimate partner homicide (survivors refers to the loved ones of victims) can benefit from learning general information about IPV such as tactics, warning signs, risk assessments, and safety planning.
Intimate partner homicides of trans/nonbinary people are under researched and under documented. The Human Rights Campaign analyzed homicides of transgender people from 2013-2021. Of the murders they found, 21% of the cases where the killer was known were committed by an intimate partner. In 43% of all cases, the killer was not known.[ii] Though some information on homicides of trans/nonbinary people is collected by non-governmental organizations, it is not always possible to identify the perpetrators or the relationship between the perpetrator and victim. This is due to a number of factors, including:
- Misgendering of victims.
- Lack of investigations or investigations being closed quickly.
- Lack of a national database. Local law enforcement offices may label homicides differently.
- Failure of media to accurately represent the victim or the violence.
- Bias against transgender people that may lead to any of the above, as well as a refusal to recognize the intimate relationships that trans people do have.
- Murders by dates may not be classified as intimate partner homicides, if the dating relationship did not involve living together or marriage.
Unique dynamics of DV/SA against transgender people
In addition to tactics of abuse that may be used against people of any gender, trans/nonbinary people may be subject to abuse that targets aspects of their gender or cultural identity. These are some of the tactics that might be used against trans people.
Physical abuse
- Targeting a trans person’s body or identity as part of the abuse. For example, injuring their face in such a way they cannot apply make-up.
- Destroying gender-affirming items and medication.
- Committing physical abuse that targets body parts the survivor has strong feelings around, for example, injuring their chest because the abuser knows it will increase the survivor’s dysphoria.
Emotional abuse
- Telling them they are not really trans or aren’t really a man or a woman.
- Saying they are ugly or unattractive because they are trans/nonbinary.
- Telling the survivor that no one else will ever love them (because they are a trans person).
- Blaming the relationship problems on the survivor’s identity. For example, saying, “We wouldn’t be worried about money if you weren’t transitioning.”
Financial/Economic abuse
- Outing the survivor to their employer.
- Interfering with their ability to dress how they want for work or school.
- Destroying expensive and necessary items.
- Controlling if funds are spent on trans-related medical care or other gender-affirming products.
Isolation
- Preventing the survivor from connecting with friends and family.
- Limiting the survivor’s access to therapy, medical care, faith-based support, or fitness activities.
- Refusing to let the survivor share their gender with friends/family.
- Threatening to out the survivor.
- Telling the survivor other people are transphobic (whether they are or not).
Victim-blaming/gaslighting
- Telling the survivor they are crazy or need therapy rather than physical transition support.
- Discrediting the person to others in ways related to their identity.
Other forms of abuse
- Interfering with access to medical care.
- Keeping the survivor from doctors or destroying their meds.
Sexual violence
- Harassing, assaulting, or raping.
- Sexualizing aspects of the survivor’s body without their permission.
- Forcing sex that is dysphoric or unwanted for the survivor.
- Telling the survivor, “If you were a real man/woman you would want this type of sex.”
- Forcing public sex or nonconsensual image sharing.
Abuse during transition
Abuse may start or escalate when the survivor transitions. For survivors, this may lead to internalizing self-blame. Abuse is not the survivor’s fault. An abusive partner may use threats, physical violence, or coercion to try to control the survivor’s gender transition or isolate the survivor from support systems.
Abuse specific to nonbinary partners
Abusers may escalate their behavior or try to exert more control over a partner, if the partner is nonbinary or is overtly expressing their gender in ways that do not conform to the binary. Abuse may involve limiting going out in public with the nonbinary survivor/partner; ridiculing the partner for their choice in clothes, accessories, or visible style expressed. Abusive partners may state that if their partner would only conform to “traditional” gender roles, they could have a healthy relationship.
Types of relationships
Transgender people engage in a wide variety of relationship structures. Transgender people may be straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or queer and may be aromantic or asexual. They may be in relationships with transgender or cisgender people. They may be monogamous or polyamorous. All of this is also true of cisgender people. Statistics do indicate that transgender adults are less likely to identify as heterosexual than cisgender adults. LGBTQ+ people are also more likely than straight cisgender people to explore non-monogamous relationship structures.
In a 2023 survey, only 17.6% of transgender adults identified as straight/heterosexual.[iii] Many queer people engage in non-traditional relationship structures. Relationship abuse can and does happen in any relationship structure and between people of any genders and sexualities.
Recognizing the validity of different relationship structures can help service providers better support survivors of intimate partner violence. The ability to easily see many different types of relationship structures can help providers more easily recognize IPV when it happens within any type of relationship.
Laws on domestic violence often describe a specific type of relationship that must be in place for violence to be classified as domestic violence. Transgender people’s relationships may not meet these parameters – for example, they may not live with partners, or the relationship may be newer. Service providers are also better able to support survivors when they can understand and appreciate many kinds of relationships and not dictate a specific type of relationship as the ideal or healthy structure.
While not unique to transgender people, the dynamics of abuse in polyamorous and dating relationships can be different from those in monogamous, cohabitating relationships. The needs that survivors have for navigating support systems and safety planning can vary.
Further, many transgender people experience violence from people they have dated briefly or had casual sex with – both during their short relationship or after it ended. These survivors may have limited access to support if they are not eligible for intimate partner violence services since they were not in a “relationship” when the violence occurred, and if the violence was not sexual assault, they may not be eligible for services from those agencies either.
Help seeking dynamics
Transgender survivors are most likely to seek support from friends and community members before anyone else. In listening sessions with transgender survivors, FORGE found that most people reported themselves as being one of their primary support systems. Trans survivors are less likely to engage with formal support systems, such as domestic violence agencies or law enforcement, than cisgender survivors are. In addition to the reasons discussed in the “barriers” section, transgender people may also be navigating small communities, shame or blame, and lack of available services.
Discomfort with law enforcement
The 2022 US Trans Survey found:
- Nearly half (47%) of respondents reported that they would feel “very uncomfortable” asking the police for help if they needed it.
- 26% reported feeling “somewhat uncomfortable.”
- Ten percent (10%) of respondents reported feeling “somewhat comfortable,” 8% felt “very comfortable,” and 10% felt “neutral” about asking the police for help when they needed it.
- Sixty-two percent (62%) of respondents reported that they were “very uncomfortable” or “somewhat uncomfortable” asking for help from the police when needed because of their gender identity or expression.[iv]
Small communities
Often, transgender people in the same geographical area know each other. They are more likely to have the same social circles as their partners, particularly if the partner is also trans or one or both partners are LGBQ+.
This can make it more difficult for a survivor to disclose relationship abuse, especially if they are worried that mutual friends will not believe them or they do not want mutual friends to turn against the abusive partner. Small communities also make it more difficult to separate from a person, as they likely go to many of the same places and events as the survivor does.
Shame and blame related to gender
Trans survivors may hesitate reaching out for help or support due to shame or fear of blame. Abusers may exacerbate this by engaging in victim-blaming and telling the survivor that no one will believe them due to their gender or other reasons.
There is extensive victim-blaming in the United States. Transgender people are subject to a high degree of scrutiny, particularly about their gender, which furthers this victim-blaming. Survivors may be afraid that no one will believe them or they may have internalized this victim-blaming and doubt that they have the right to help.
Specific services
When working with transgender survivors, listen to the survivor about what needs and services they identify as priorities and help them meet those needs. For some trans individuals, needs related to gender-affirmation will be the most pressing. They may need help accessing affirming healthcare, identification, clothing and grooming supplies, or social supports. These needs may take priority over other types of basic and safety needs. For other trans individuals, gender affirmation may be secondary. Perhaps they already have adequate affirmative support and supplies or perhaps gender affirmation isn’t as pressing as other needs, such as physical safety, job security, or safety for pets or children.
Any survivor may need help with housing, healthcare, safety planning, emotional support, financial resources, healing services, relocation assistance, or any number of other things.
Connection
A primary tactic of intimate partner abuse is isolation. Service providers can play a key role in helping trans/nonbinary survivors (re)build and maintain connections. This may look like:
- Brainstorming safe people to talk to
- Working together to identify ways to connect with others
- Safety planning around technology and keeping communication private from the abuser
- Finding social support resources
- Discussing how trauma can impact relationships of all kinds
- Learning about coping and healing strategies for the impact of trauma
- Providing support groups
Safety planning
Safety planning should be tailored to the unique needs and experiences of a survivor. With transgender/nonbinary survivors, safety plans may incorporate the survivor’s safety from anti-trans hate as well as the impact that transphobia has on the survivor’s access to resources and supports.
Help with “basic needs”
Many service providers working with survivors of intimate partner abuse are familiar with helping survivors meet their basic needs – such as food, housing, and healthcare. When working with trans/nonbinary survivors, it is important to remember that gender-affirming supports are basic needs. They are necessary for safety, security, and well-being and should be prioritized as such.
Healing support
Survivors of intimate partner violence may want support for healing and emotional wellbeing. The desire for this service can come at different times – during the relationship, after a relationship ends, years after a relationship, or never. Each person is different in terms of what they will find to be healing and when and how they would like to access that support. The more options that service providers can make available, the more likely they are to be able to meet the needs of each survivor. Providers can also work with other organizations to have a more robust set of resources and referrals. Healing support may look like:
- Peer support
- Support groups
- Art-based groups
- Art or music therapy
- Cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR, or other therapeutic modality
- Spiritually based supports
- Volunteer or leadership opportunities
- Nature-based activities
- Healing supports connected to Indigenous or cultural practices
- Massage, Reiki, or other body-based care
- Rituals of healing or grounding
Trans/nonbinary survivors may be wary of services that involve interactions with cisgender people, due to histories of anti-trans experiences. Trans survivors may also have trauma or intense feelings related to their bodies. For some, this makes body-based supports especially meaningful, for others, this can make those supports inaccessible or even harmful.
Navigating systems
Trans/nonbinary survivors may need help navigating systems. Few systems that crime victims have to navigate are set up to be easy for transgender people to utilize. Survivors may want the help of a service provider to advocate for them and to help their gender be affirmed. They may need help to understand their legal rights or what steps are needed to take in order to access specific services and benefits.
Trans survivors may want to have agency over disclosure to other providers or clients. Some may request support in disclosing to others, since this type of sharing can be very emotionally taxing.
Some trans survivors may not want their trans identity to be known to others. Service providers who know, can help trans clients navigate more safely through systems and help them keep information private or confidential.
Key Tips for Service Providers
Be trans-affirming.
Use the survivor’s affirmed name and pronouns. Respect their privacy around their gender and keep information confidential as desired by the survivor. Provide gender-affirming clothing and grooming supplies. Help the survivor navigate anti-trans barriers to care. Help other service providers be trans-affirming.
Believe survivors.
Believe people about their experiences of violence. Listen to survivors about what they need in terms of services and support. Adapt services to meet the needs. Use empowerment-based advocacy. (Remember that part of believing survivors is being trans-affirming and believing trans people about their experiences of transphobia and anti-trans behaviors.)
Use expansive definitions of domestic /intimate partner violence.
Understand the unique ways that intimate partner violence may show up for transgender people. Ensure that definitions of domestic violence or other crimes are not so limited as to exclude trans/nonbinary people from services. Assess services to ensure they are useful to survivors of all genders.
Case Examples
Alice
Alice and Tricia have been dating for two years. Alice, a trans fem, has recently started expressing her nonbinary identity more. Tricia says she is worried that Alice is abandoning their community and “detransitioning” by expressing masculinity. Tricia criticizes the way that Alice dresses and acts. She withholds affection from Alice on days that Alice wears pants or lets her facial hair grow out.
Alice suggested couple’s counseling. In counseling, Tricia brings up many things that Alice does that bother her. Tricia says that Alice’s gender is triggering to her and that it’s disrespectful of Alice to “act like a man” in their home. Tricia refuses to discuss the idea of breaking up, saying that Alice wouldn’t be okay without her. Tricia says that Alice needs to stop going out to queer nights and spend more time on their relationship. Tricia cancelled Alice’s credit card without telling her.
Discussion questions:
- What signs of abuse are there in each situation?
- What services do you have for Alice?
- Would other agencies in your area recognize these situations as domestic violence?
Malcolm
Malcolm says his husband has always been jealous. They have an open relationship, but whenever Malcolm sees someone else, his husband complains and tells Malcolm how unsafe he feels. The husband insists that Malcolm have sex with him after any date with someone else and insists that they not use protection. He says this is how they can show they trust each other.
Malcolm does not always want physical intimacy with his husband. His dysphoria has been heightened recently, partly due to anti-trans legislation in his state. This has impacted the ways he wants to physically connect. But he feels he needs to have the sex his husband wants to demonstrate his love.
Discussion questions:
- What signs of abuse are there in each situation?
- What services do you have for Malcolm?
- Would other agencies in your area recognize these situations as domestic violence?
Statistics
The 2015 US Trans Survey contains significant data on transgender people and intimate partner violence. Check out the full report for more information.
“Overall, more than half (54%) of all respondents experienced some form of intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Over three-quarters (77%) of respondents who have done sex work and nearly three-quarters (72%) of those who have been homeless experienced intimate partner violence. Undocumented residents (68%), people with disabilities (61%), and people of color, including American Indian (73%), multiracial (62%), and Middle Eastern (62%) respondents, were also more likely to report this experience.”[v]
[i] Domestic Violence Awareness Project: A project of the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence. https://www.dvawareness.org/about-dv
[ii] An Epidemic of Violence. (n.d.). In HRC Digital Reports. Retrieved July 29, 2026, from https://reports.hrc.org/an-epidemic-of-violence-fatal-violence-against-transgender-and-gender-non-confirming-people-in-the-united-states-in-2021#epidemic-numbers
[iii] Reisner, S. L., Choi, S. K., Herman, J. L., Bockting, W., Krueger, E. A., & Meyer, I. H. (2023). Sexual orientation in transgender adults in the United States. BMC Public Health, 23(1), 1799. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-023-16654-z
[iv] James, S.E., Herman, J.L., Durso, L.E., & Heng-Lehtinen, R. (2024). Early Insights: A Report of the 2022 U.S. Transgender Survey. National Center for Transgender Equality, Washington, DC. https://transequality.org/sites/default/files/2024-02/2022%20USTS%20Early%20Insights%20Report_FINAL.pdf
[v] James, S. E., Herman, J. L., Rankin, S., Keisling, M., Mottet, L., & Anafi, M. (2016). The Report of the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey. Washington, DC: National Center for Transgender Equality. https://transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/usts/USTS-Full-Report-Dec17.pdf