Introduction to Trans/Nonbinary People and Communities

“Nonbinary” is an umbrella term for a wide range of gender identities and experiences. Nonbinary people are individuals who do not identify exclusively as men/women. This includes people who are both men and women, people who are neither, people whose gender changes, and many other identities. Some nonbinary people identify with certain aspects of manhood or womanhood but not others. Some people may describe themselves as a “nonbinary woman” or “nonbinary man,” while others do not identify with binary genders or terms at all.

Some common identities that fall under the nonbinary umbrella include: Genderqueer, genderfluid, enby, demiboy, demigirl, neutrois, third gender, multigender, bigender, pangender, xenogender, transmasculine, transfeminine, and many more. The language that people use to describe their gender is ever-changing.

Nonbinary genders have always existed, though the ways that people express and define gender change over time. Gender can be highly connected to culture for many people, and thus more specific terms and definitions can be important to some individuals. For example, many Indigenous cultures recognize genders outside of man and woman, which are frequently grouped under the label of “Two-Spirit” (Thurston, 2022). Some people with culturally specific identities may also identify as nonbinary, but the terms are not interchangeable.

As with any set of identities, people will have varied definitions of any of the terms used in this section, and varied relationships to those terms. For example, some people who are genderqueer do not use the term nonbinary to describe themselves.

Respect and use the terms that people use to describe themselves.

There is no one way to be nonbinary. There is no one way to look or dress that is nonbinary. Nonbinary people may use any pronouns or combination of pronouns. They may or may not want to change legal paperwork to reflect their identity, and they may or may not pursue various methods of social or medical transition – such as changing their name, taking hormones, or telling people about their identity.

Common terms to know

Enby or NB

These terms are abbreviations of nonbinary. For clarity, “enby” is usually preferred because “NB” also means “non-Black.”

Neopronoun

Neopronouns are pronouns that were created to fit the experiences of some nonbinary people. Typically this will include any pronouns outside of he/she/they. Examples are fae, ze, xy, e.

Binary

A binary is a system of two things, which are often considered to be opposites. In the case of gender, “binary” refers to the idea that there are only men and women (or male and female people) and that these two are very different from each other – like the opposite ends of a spectrum. Science and the lived experience of nonbinary people show us that this is not an accurate description of gender.

Genderfluid

Fluid or flux are identities that change. Some people’s gender may change frequently, over the course of a day or a few days. They may be a man at times and genderless at other times, for example. Some people’s genders change more slowly – over months or years. People who are genderfluid do not always fluctuate between binary genders.

Common experiences

Not being believed or taken seriously about their gender

One nonbinary person described the experience of a nonbinary friend, “Every single provider this person has talked to has argued with them about whether they are trans. And said they are not actually trans because they don’t have the language that will help these providers actually see them as legitimate. And it’s just exhausting. So I’m so sorry for everyone who’s had that experience.”

Many nonbinary people have experiences of being told their identity is not legitimate, both by cisgender people and by members of the transgender community. This can be painful and discouraging, particularly when it happens when someone is seeking help.

Being told their needs are too complicated

When the unique needs of nonbinary survivors are acknowledged, survivors report they have been told they are “too complicated” to receive care. For example, a domestic violence survivor calls a domestic violence agency for shelter and support groups. Upon finding out that the survivor is nonbinary, the agency suggests they would be better served by the local LGBTQ center, as the DV agency is “not really equipped to meet their needs.” However, the LGBTQ center is not trained in domestic violence, nor do they offer the specific services of the DV agency – such as shelter, support groups, crime victims’ compensation, and more.

At times this message is overt – a provider saying, “I don’t know how to help you, try someone else.” Other times it may be more subtle, such as consistently encouraging a survivor to try a different organization. Other times, survivors do not know why they have been turned away from services, but something about the interaction makes it feel related to their gender.

All of these experiences are discouraging and potentially dangerous for someone who is seeking help and cannot access it.

Being targeted for their gender

Many nonbinary people experience harassment, scrutiny, and violence. Some nonbinary people visibly do not fit into the gender binary; others may perceive them as being “outside of the norm.” This type of visibility can lead to being targeted by people who are disrespectful of or hostile towards their gender.

Barriers to services

Gendered services

Many services are gendered – such as shelters, support groups, inpatient services, and more. Often, nonbinary survivors will not reach out to services that they believe are gendered because they are uncomfortable seeking single-gender services. They may anticipate their identity being invalidated or dismissed, or having to hide being nonbinary. Nonbinary people may be ineligible for these services even if they want to access them. Gendered services often do not accommodate or acknowledge the needs (or existence) of nonbinary people.

One nonbinary survivor shared:

“They treated my nonbinary experience with crime as if it were irrelevant to the case. It was disheartening when they failed to address the specific ways in which my gender identity might have influenced the situation or my feelings about it.”[1]

Lack of affirming care

When nonbinary survivors do reach out for support, they are often met with providers who do not know how to affirm their identities, much less to provide culturally specific care. Non-affirming care might look like providers who do not use the correct name and pronouns for the survivor, providers who dismiss their gender as irrelevant or too complicated, or providers who lump nonbinary people in with one binary gender or another (for example, saying things like “you’re basically a woman”).

When service providers do not know how to engage with nonbinary survivors, they put the survivor in the position of having to be an educator or not get appropriate care. One survivor explained:

“I’ve had to do a lot of labor, of educating providers, or being the bigger person if they don’t affirm me or get my right pronouns… So sometimes it just gets awkward. And you’re just like I might go to correct you. I’m gonna just walk away now.”[2]

Having to repeatedly explain their existence creates distrust with service providers and may discourage nonbinary survivors from seeking care in the future.

Ask instead of assuming

“People aren’t a cookie cutter, especially nonbinary people. Not all nonbinary people identify trans, first off, and not all nonbinary people use they/them pronouns. Everybody is different, so just ask…. it also shows someone that you respect them when you are asking rather than assuming.”[3] – Nonbinary survivor in FORGE Listening Session.

The quote above speaks to one of the first things that all service providers can do to better support nonbinary survivors – ask respectful questions based on the needs of the individual and listen and learn from the answers. Far too often, nonbinary people are subject to invasive questions that focus on satisfying the curiosity of the provider, rather than on understanding and meeting the needs of the survivor.

Some questions might be:

“What pronouns can I use for you?”
“Are you comfortable with everyone here knowing your identity, or would you like that to be private between us?”
“We’ve talked about a lot of resources, are there concerns you have about being able to access any of them that you would like to discuss?”
“What supports do you need to feel safe here?”

Respect differences

It can be very helpful to have an understanding of nonbinary identities and experiences. However, remember that each person is unique. Their experience of gender, how their gender impacts their life, their experience of violence, their needs as a survivor of violence or crime – all of these will be unique.

Two survivors shared positive experiences that they had with service providers:

“They respected my pronouns in my gender identity throughout our conversation, and also on taking our time to like display my legal rights in my on my processes, so that I can I feel more empowered, informed about the situation like, know what to do, or the next steps take and overall, I would say, a combination of understanding respect to communication as actually or made a really positive difference.”[4]

“She listened. She listened like honestly. She you know, provided support with documentation for school. medical course drops and also prescribed an antidepressant because: it like that. It’s been rough. It’s been a really rough year. And yeah, I I still haven’t sought out like actual counseling, though. So. But yeah.”[5]

Work together with other agencies to create more affirming services

One of the barriers faced by nonbinary survivors is the lack of appropriate resources. Agencies can work together so that multiple organizations increase their capacity to work with nonbinary survivors. This may include cross-training, working with local LGBTQ+ organizations, updating policies or paperwork, and including all staff in training.

Check out resources on apologizing and using pronouns to learn more.